Showing posts with label picaroon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label picaroon. Show all posts

18 October 2009

Breaking the Seal (or, "Oh, How I Miss thee, Blog")...

A SAD result of writing and picarooning -- for a living -- is that the writing I do, writing some would see as frivolous, is rarely given the attention I believe it deserves. I'm not suggesting that my extracurricular writing here (or elsewhere for that matter) is ever simply "fun." No, indeed, my (ahem) free-time* writing serves multiple purposes: it allows my creative side to flourish! I find communion with fellow writers! I keep my mind and my pen nimble for the benefit of my students! I am forced to remember that writing does not happen in a vacuum and that vacuuming rarely trumps the need to write.**

Nevertheless, one has to actually WRITE in order to gain said benefits.

New leaf, I turn thee here and now. Seal? Thou art broken.

In the cause,

Dr. T Shandy

*I use the term "free time" loosely. I, like most of you, rarely have any time that does not cost me dearly.

**In the quest for absolute transparancy, I must admit that I found myself vacuuming this weekend in, I was delighted to discover, a ridiculous attempt to avoid writing! The excessive stress and never-ending pressure of numerous writing deadlines has forced me into wonderfully productive "old habits" (of both writing and cleaning, I am proud to report).

19 April 2009

Wherein I Offer an Apology and a Promise...

HOW COULD I, dear P.R., be so inattentive to this blog? To you, dear Pretend Reader… have I really been so lackadaisical in posting my latest thoughts? It is unconscionable to have left you to your own devices! And here I sit – so much to write – so much to share! Oh! – for that time returned! Nevertheless, as I am not one to revisit the past without direct and irrefutable purpose, I hereby recognize my failures -- even as I pledge to move forward – ever looking to the next post and the next – not backwards to that which might have been, but, most regretfully, was not. Onward!


Indeed, in an effort to discourage this sort of irresponsible and reprehensible blogging behavior in my future, have imposed a penance upon this “lusty picaroon” who writes before you --- I do this, neither out of wantonness or cruelty, but from the best of motives; and therefore, I shall make myself no apology for it when I return, fingers weary from the tap, tap, tapping of the keys: -- yes!; damn the cost, I shall “catch” you “up,” dearest reader on all that has transpired since last we interfaced. Though it will, undoubtedly, take several posts (written in the coming days!), in a quest for clarity and transparency, I shall attempt to outline for you [should you find yourself desirous of skipping past those stories which hold no sway], -- in this fine post, those details and adventures I will share in diatribes to come. So, if we are agreed? -- let this entry serve, as it were, as a “taste” – a pleasant “peek” at what will follow. Guilt, 'tis true!, is a passably fine motivator, when one lacks for a better reason to write.


To begin, I will share with you, in its rich and full-bodied detail, my latest journey: a trip I began with my long-time writing partner, a charming man by the name of Mr. Gilbert Blythe [one, you may recall, I spoke of, fondly, in a previous post] attended a large academic conference in, of all lusty places for a picaroon to find herself! --- that den of iniquity, that nexus of evil, that soulless pit of degradation and moral turpitude, that glorious locale of drinking and dining and pleasures of the flesh!: New Orleans, Louisiana. Though I might simply write “a good time was had by all” [for it is true we each had our own “good time”], such a casual dismissal of our astounding conference performance, of our lusty picarooning, and of our academic hobnobbing is, in truth, to dismiss all that I am -- all that Mr. Blythe and I were, academically speaking, together!


Forgive me while I pause to rebuke a vicious taste -- one that has crept into thousands besides myself, -- that for reading straight forward -- as though reading were a mere skill!, reading more in quest of the facts, rather than for a deep erudition or knowledge with which an adventure of this sort will be cast. After all, our stories are "books," of sorts, are they not? Might we all agree that if one “reads” well, reads people and our stories over as it should always be, we would infallibly impart to our “readers” something that is more valuable than a trove of Blackbeard’s riches? It is in storytelling [and the listening!], I have concluded, that we retain our humanity. ---- But, lest we forget, it is equally true that the mind should be accustomed to make wise reflections, and draw curious conclusions as it goes along; the habitude of which made Pliny (the younger) affirm, “That he never read a book so bad, but he drew some profit from it.” But, I digress.


In addition to a story or two that emerged from our week of debauchery and academic prowess in NOLA, I will, also, take one of these "future moments" to tell you, yes, forthwith!, about my latest “editing” project. Though it, naturally, speaks little to my own artistic pursuits, I have recently been credited with some small degree of “responsibility” (dare I say “credit”?) for its creation. I’ve been told I am the catalyst, and while that may surely credit me, in my own mind, with far more involvement than I deserve, I accept this smallest and most limited position -- that of part “muse” [part “editor” – part “sponsor” – part “fan”] with, one can but hope!, a measure of grace and dignity. Yes, this latest task has been handed to me by my writerly soul mate, my life-long friend, B.F., my own “Mr. Freret” – he of that worldly and infamous Internet sensation, “The Adventures of B. Freret.”


------ But look here, my fair P.R.! Have you yet read over and again this blog’s previous posts, as I desired you? -- You have not? Oh, but I rely on your diligence, dear reader!: upon your second reading of previous musings, you will find yourself up-to-date on my state of mind; you will recall the personage of whom I speak herein: you will observe the passages, upon a second reading, which admits the inferences regarding B.F., Mr. Blythe, and more ---- we will bridge the gap that exists betwixt us, -- but this will require your dedication to the cause as well, dearest P.R.; for, I proudly admit, not a passage exists upon these pages that loves or lives or breathes without purpose!


A suggestion: when you are finished with this day's blog-reading, be pleased, and ponder well [again] the last line of this post, where I will admit that, "It was necessary I should read before I write.'' So, I urge you! – nay, I beseech you: – read! – muse! – think! And, then when you return “home” to these pages, look closely to that most recent post; it will be that one which illuminates the soul and discloses much of my "true" nature (at least as much as it conceals my true person). Until we meet again, dear P. R…. I remain...

In the Cause!

Dr. T. Shandy


01 April 2009

What the Gods Hath Laid Before Us...

IN THE TOWN where my father and my mother dwelt, dwelt also a tall, upright, intelligent, wryly notable, good body of a young man, who, with the help of a little plain good sense, and some years full employment in the business of academic success (in which he had all along trusted little to his own efforts, and a great deal to those of fate’s fickle finger -- pray, the pointing digit, not that of his bastard middle brother), -- he had acquired, in his way, no small degree of reputation among his peers in the convoluted world of high school; -- by which with the word world, need I inform you, kind reader, that I mean no more of it than a small circle described upon the circle of the great world, of four East Texas miles diameter, or there- abouts, of which the high school, where the good young man lived, is supposed to be the centre.

In addition to his scholarly pursuits, this young man (we will, henceforth, call him BF – for wont of a more respectable “pseudonym”) had been gifted, it seems, with a modicum of talent for music-making, and so with four of his peers, BF sought out a career in the industry – and, despite the localized limitations of musical success, girls did swoon at his skillful stroking of the bass, though a few others did perhaps see young BF in a different light – not as an object of adoration, but as a fellow scholar, a witty young man with promise, potential, and it should not be ignored, a fairly passable backside (“she” was but sixteen, I should remind you; and as such, her passions were often purely aesthetic -- as changeable and unpredictable as the Red River itself).

Despite my flighty passions of 'lo those many years ago (and more recent tendency to speak of myself in the third person), I am, dear reader, this same "she." To be clear, I was at that time a person of decent carriage, -- serious scholarly deportment, ---- yet a woman fond of words, a thespian, a word-smithing pugilist, if you will; oh! I was a writer. And, even at sixteen, I found, in some small degree, a kindred spirit in young BF: he was a lover of music – yes, a performer in all things -- if even, more often than not, of the more reluctant sort.

Years did pass; lives were made, and new lives were forged, as we sped from decade to decade; and though my friendly high school acquaintanceship with BF lasted no longer than t’would take the ink on our diplomas to dry, I must admit that I did not forget that young man – my young BF! -- so full of youthful promise! – what potential for future greatness! Nor he I. Yet each of us had said “fare-the-well” and moved on to adulthood in the most expected tradition of college-bound teens…

These last words, you must know, fall quite short of summarizing the complicated, transitional years that would pass before our next introduction; –
to be sure, nearly two decades would come and go before I would hear what became of my ‘ole friend, BF. But then – in a single and most unexpected coincidence [though I am, admittedly, uncomfortable with the assigning of such random credit to corners unknown] BF was placed squarely back into my life – both of us immediately aware that the other was older, wiser -- older. In the interim, it was clear – without a single word passing betwixt us – that neither of our lives had run according to the old form from which such middle-class licenses, faculties, and powers-that-be usually mandated.

It was the 10th day of the month – Oh! And how I will remember that day from here after with such fondness! – while enjoying frittering away my day, on the newest virtual gadget of social-networking – Facebook, lo and behold! What message should appear but a simple “I know you”? And, my dear reader, as you no doubt realize, though his hair was shorter --- requisite mullet now a thing of his glorious past! --- and his temples colored by wisps of grey only men sport with such quiet dignity, I “knew” him too. It was BF – just a notable, and perhaps only twice as wry as he had been in his glory days, but the exact BF (in familiar confident spirit if not teenage body) nonetheless. In less than two hours, he and I had established a mutual love of writing, our definitive passion for learning, and the need we both felt to find a “reader” (indeed a “friend”) outside the hallowed halls in which we now found ourselves age’d and imprisoned: I in a world of patriarchal and passionless academia, and he in the soul-sucking world of a barrister.

What we learned was that each had taken a circuitous route to professional success, and yet neither of us had encountered that oft dream’d of font of complete creative nourishment. By week two of continual email, chatting, and Facebooking, we had laid bare our souls, shared secret and sacred writing, and each had found in the other a writerly soul-mate. An old friendship – one that had failed, two decades before, to evolve past that of a one-act-play -- suddenly found itself blossoming into a multi-dimensional opera… it seems that age and time had left us both ready for something more fulfilling – something rich and increasingly robust with creative potential.

We have each become, if only in this virtual world we have created [a modern world where photos replace afternoon meetings and a single email has more power than a dozen phone calls ever could] equal parts sounding board, sponsor, and spiritual guide for the other. The smallest snippet of dialogue continues to reveal intersections that stun us both. Music, humor, books – we found common ground in each subsequent detail we share with the other. Today we have forged a friendship based on intellectual inquiry and mutual admiration… How unique! How refreshing! To find a kindred spirit at such a point in my life...

But, you may ask, what of the future? Admittedly, ours remains a fragile bond. But, unlike those transient friendships of adulthood [which so rarely have the time to broach the difficult subjects: the stories of childhood, the angst of awkward adolescence, and the tragedies of growing older], ours is a bond that is based on an inexplicable common awareness of how far the other really has come in this complex and fucked up world. We are both eons away from that small East Texas town in which this foundation for kinship was first laid, and yet -- there is where, in some small measure, the kinship was formed. Yes, I believe that we grow stronger with each new personal reveal (twenty years of life has passed and must be reclaimed!) – we solidify what a simple message began with each new story we tell – each silent and solitary chuckle (he on his side of the country and I on mine) – each inside-joke one sends to the other builds a new link in a chain that links us willingly to one another. It has been -- fast. Fulfilling. Fabulous.

Mayhap it is coincidence, or, better yet -- do we look to fate or karma? No matter! ---- if any of these be the case, ---- pray, Sir, my BF, what have either you or I to do with it? Dare we question (if even in quiet appreciation!) what the gods have laid out before us? Friends, especially those possessing even an ounce of self-deprecating humor and wry intelligence, are few and far between. I cherish this one and wait -- breathless. What creative trails might we blaze together?

In the Cause!

Dr. T. Shandy

28 March 2009

In Which I Discuss Picaroons, Peccadilloes, and Fucktards

IN ADDITION to the many posts I anticipate writing on the always titillating topics of love, sex, relationships, and life in academia (as though one could separate these four!), I also fully intend that this blog -- as my ongoing and very public exploration of self-awareness -- should be a site for continued contemplation of the complexities of friendship (often wrongly confused, of course, with any one of the four afore mentioned topics).

As an admitted "lusty picaroon,"* I have enjoyed my share of peculiar peccadilloes. I have made friends, lost friends, and even created friends, and yet, I have never successfully identified even the slightest, singular thread by which these relationships -- with all of their glorious growth spurts or rapid, and often painful, declines -- might be explained. Indeed, if there is a thread to be found among the thirty-some-years of amity in which I have taken delight, it is likely it is I.

So, with this "thread" in mind, I now entertain the possibility that each of my friendships, along with the making, breaking, and defiling of such, are -- you perhaps sense that I am loathe to accept this as truth? -- a signifier of my own unique brand of foolishness, insecurities, and interpersonal missteps. I console myself with the following scrap of logos: if it is true, that I alone am responsible for the decline of these lost bonds, then [praise be!] I am equally liable for the unlikely successes.

While I have any number of long-term friendships I might use as further evidence of my exemplary talents in creating rapport-- outside of my own word, though I imagine one might consider any "proof" I might provide as nothing more than creative wordsmithing, and hence, just more of my "own word" --; I believe that two other avenues of discourse might provide richer data for my continued, critical self-examination.

To this end, future posts will more closely examine 1) an example of friendship lost, including the myriad of ways in which I, no doubt, fucked it up, and 2) friendship reclaimed, via the mechanism of virtual reality: Web 2.0 (the specific manifestation of virtual friendship, in my case, has been the "social networking site" commonly referred to as Facebook).

Meanwhile, I have compiled a list -- offered in no particular order of significance or gross maladjustment -- of but a few ways in which friendships might be destroyed in the grandest tradition of personal drama and decadence. I have gathered these random examples over a good many years, and though I have been guilty of at least one of these transgressions myself, most have been provided courtesy of assholes the world over.

Toward Friendship Reduction:

1. Sleep with said friend's spouse

2. Kill friend**

3. Accuse friend of being "overly" educated

4. Crash friend's vehicle, sleep with friend's mother, and "borrow" $200 --- all on the same weekend

5. Get married

6. Travel internationally with friend and 27 others -- without the benefit of air-conditioning

7. Have grunge sex with (new) friend on a train to Madrid ***

8. Call friend a fucktard**** -- and mean it

9. Report friend to the IRS*****

10. Have friend deported -- even though friend was born in Arkansas


This list is not intended to be exhaustive, but should, instead, serve as a foundation for our future metacommentary here at "The Life and Opinions." I urge you, nay compel you! -- to seek absolution were you ever guilty of even a single indiscretion listed herein. Or, if the dissolution of friendship was well deserv'd, I applaud you for your grandiose, relational contravention!

In the Cause!

Dr. T. Shandy


* Though the word "picaroon" has fallen out of favor with youth today, the Urban Dictionary lists two possible definitions for this apropos term. I would like to think that I easily fit into either category

** To clarify, this must be a successful "kill" and not merely an "attempt"; credible prime-time soap opera research has consistently proven that murder attempts may, in fact, prove more exhilarating than anticipated, which serves to rapidly move friendship -- though also, likely, to an inevitable "end" -- into an entirely new category, that of (ahem) "partnership"

*** Trains elsewhere work equally well, though it has been my experience that international trains offer a unique brand of "grunge," thereby insuring that friendship will not survive said excursion

**** The word, "fucktard," is in no way meant to disparage those persons suffering any form of mental handicap. It is, instead, a simple contraction of the colloquialisms "fuck" and "retard" = "fucktard" (as in, "he is a fucking retard")

***** The "DEA" is also a fine replacement, depending on specific circumstances of friendship in question